Dear Jel

It has been a while since I last posted. There have been many events since my last entry, and because I was too caught up in them, I didn't have the time nor energy to regurgitate everything. Or perhaps its more because of the pain of going through the hard times again. Either way, I owe my dear friends an update of the rides and cruises that I have taken. I owe my friends that, and I owe no one more than my dear Jel for this update after my last "attack" on her.

I shall not go into the details of how our relationship changed, as I believe many of it should remain private. That's right, it's for us to know and you to wonder about. But the underlying magnet that brought us together is this: Jel and I were never meant to be just friends. Either we remain a few thousand miles away from each other so at least the Pacific Ocean is between us, or we cause a chemical combustion of sparks and fireworks. We've tried being just friends, but it just mutated into a relationship that is a cross-breed between romance and friendship. Perhaps it was my fault for constantly going back to her. Or it could be her fault for not wanting to commit. Better still, we could blame it on her ex. But what matters is that we made a decision not to live in emotional limbo. I decided to walk the extra mile from Drummond Street to Bouverie Close at 2 a.m for her despite all my doubts, and she decided to look at the possibilities of us being together instead of looking at my flaws.

Now, it has been 4, almost 5 months since we got together. Above all else, these months have been a learning process for me. It may sound funny to equate love with learning, but learning is a big part of love. It isn't just about passion, it's more about discovery. It is a discovery of the opposite sex, a discovery of your loved one, and most importantly, a discovery of one-self. Had I not been willing to learn about myself and Jel, I don't think the relationship would have lasted two months.

Self-discovery might sound inspiring for many, but it's not so inspiring when it comes to discovering the harsh truths about yourself. I learned that I was calculative, self-inadequate and highly sensitive to certain things. And I am learning more and more as we progress deeper into
each other's hearts. Passion makes love happen. Self-discovery, courage, forgiveness, discipline and humility makes love last.

Currently, we are an ocean away from each other. It's tough waiting for someone who has been in my arms for the past few months to return to my embrace. But I am happy to finally find someone who is worth waiting for.